


Patience

by opheliasheart



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Trauma, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Minor Injuries, Minor Original Character(s), REALLY slow, Sanvers - Freeform, Slow Burn Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Young Kara Danvers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2018-10-30 03:23:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10868031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opheliasheart/pseuds/opheliasheart
Summary: The death of Eliza and Jeremiah Danvers sent shock waves through their daughters lives. At just 18, Alex fights the system to become Kara's legal guardian after she's taken away and placed in a home. 7 year old Kara deals with the trauma of losing those close to her again and being forced to part from her sister. Someone on the periphery of Alex's life steps forward to help in a moment least expected.





	1. Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an experimental roller coaster, a step away from the fluff that usually encapsulates my writing. This deals with heavy life situations but will have more light as it progresses. I have chapters planned but no strict schedule at the moment as I'm mid revision for exams.
> 
>  
> 
> "And of these cut-throat busted sunsets,  
> These cold and damp white mornings,  
> I have grown weary." - Empty, Ray LaMontagne

 

_-_

 

***

_"Alex!"_

_"Please just let her stay! Please! She needs me! I'm her sister!"_

_"I'm sorry Miss D-"_

_"No! Don't tell me you're sorry! Fix this!"_

_"We've discussed this, you're not legally an adult yet-"_

_"By 3 weeks damn it! Does 3 weeks make a difference?"_

_"All the paperwork has to wait till then, when the process starts you can show that you're fit to care for Kara."_

_"But 3 weeks does more damage than good!"_

_"Alex please!"_

_"Kara, sweetheart breathe. She needs me sir. I'm the only one that can calm when she has a panic attack, who knows how to help her when she's over stimulated-"_

_"The home is knowledgeable and more than equipped to help those children on the spectrum M-"_

_"I'm her only family left! She's lost everyone once before only for this to happen again, you couldn't leave it just a day to settle after the funeral?! Why do you make this as painful as possible for everyone involved?!"_

_"Our policies are in place for a reason. The sooner Kara is in the home, the sooner she can adapt."_

_"But just for tonight? Please. We just buried our parents."_

_"Miss Danvers-"_

_"Please sir!"_

_"I'm sorry Kara but I can't let you stay here."_

_"No!"_

_***_

Kara's cries echo through Alex's mind, reverberating down the empty halls of the house that no longer feels like home. Nothing has moved. The rooms are still filled, closets still full. Picture frames fill the walls, litter the shelves and yet this building has never felt so bare, so vulnerable. That raw pain from the moment of being separated from her sister is muted, pulsing under a blanket of numbness as she wanders aimlessly through each room.

She avoids the bedrooms. In the back of her mind she knows that seeing the scattering of clothes across the bed from when they were deciding what to wear to work is too much. Kara's toys covering the floor, toys she had trodden on and nearly screamed at the pain of having a Lego brick stick to her foot is too overwhelming. Too much stimulus that would threaten to yank that numb blanket that covers her heart. That pain is just too much and Alex is afraid that if she falls prey to it again, she won't be able to get back up - get back up and carry on for them, for Kara.

Something pulls her out of the daze, recognising her loop had taken her back into the kitchen again. The sensations are starting to appear through the fog; cold tiles of the kitchen floor, the icy late February breeze brushes against her cheek in the darkness. There is a small light glowing from the radio docking station on the counter in the corner. The ticking from the clock seems to get louder, more irritating.

She walks to the window by the sink, reaches across and pulls it harder than she expected, jumping as it slams inches from her face. Her heart beat jolts and she grinds her teeth as the ticking comes back into focus. It feels like the sound is taunting her, each tick a second going by that she isn't with Kara. Each tick represents a failure in her responsibility to protect Kara, to be by her side and keep her safe.

Each tick is a failed moment of Alex not showing Kara how much she is loved despite the black hole that is trying to suck her into the pit of despair and grief.

As they carried Kara away, crying, shouting and pleading to be in her arms again, she took a step closer to that black hole.

Failure and grief threatening to consume her with darkness.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Kara's extra large cereal bowl sits beside the sink, her full juice bottle left forgotten when the doorbell rang.

She needs it for school the next day.

Another failure.

_Tick. Tick._

The cries echo through her mind again. They are too loud, too realistic, too painful to hear.

There's a pause. Silence deafening.

_Tick._

Anger sears through her mind, flashes through her body. She releases a guttural, heart wrenching wail. Her hand grabs the bottle and throws it at the wall. The clock crashes to the floor in pieces. The brief relief of watching something so visually shatter breaks her barrier. Tears fill her eyes and stream down her cheeks; her chest heaves as she sobs with despair. Kara's bowl is flung against the opposite wall, shattering on impact and falling to the floor. Alex cries out again.

Her hands swipe across the counters. Dirty plates hit the ground, fruit flies across the room, cutlery clatters against the tiles. She storms to the cabinets and screams as the glasses collide with furniture around the room.

Cupboard after cupboard she comes undone.

The wave of anger eventually ebbs away and the grief rises once more. The last tea mug is thrown weakly to the floor just inches from her bare foot and the sobs take over wracking through her chest. Alex lowers herself to the floor, leaning against the cupboard. She curls into herself, wrapping her arms around her legs and allows the darkness to consume her.

It's gone midnight when she makes her way over the rubble and climbs the stairs.

She lies on her bed, eyes red and tears drip from the bridge of her nose to the pillow.

Completely numb once more, the exhaustion takes over.

 

-

 

The alarm wakes Alex the next day. There's dark circles around her eyes and her body feels heavy, the weight of it all pulling her down. She goes through the motions of showering, the low light from the early morning sun bathing the room in a faint orange glow as she discovers the sting from her feet. Thin cuts litter the thick skin and she sighs as she vaguely remembers stepping on the broken shards of crockery that still await her downstairs.

She towels herself and cleans the wounds, checking for anything that could still be stuck there. Her socks are pulled on after covering the cuts and she finishes dressing herself for school. Dark blue jeans cover her legs and a black band t-shirt is put on then covered by a juniper green zipped hoodie. She flinches as she pull on her most comfortable sneakers and ties the laces before grabbing her school back where it laid abandoned in the corner. Worry over the amount of work missed flashes through her mind but she blocks it, refusing to deal with that now.

The rubble crunches beneath her feet and she pauses in the doorway to the kitchen. The floor is covered in debris from her rage last night and the tears threaten to rise again. She bites the side of her lip and walks to grab a jug from one of the few untouched walnut cabinets in the island and pours cereal in before covering it with milk. She eats out of the jug at the table then leaves it to deal with later. Her hair is still damp from her shower but there's tiredness in her bones.

Flashes of her rage the night before flicker through her mind and though cleaning will be a big job she finds no regrets in her actions. She won't need them anyways. This is all just temporary.

She looks out to the ocean through the window by the sink. The field behind the house gradually slopes down the shoreline, the waves consistently washing over the sand. The motion is welcomed by Alex, how she desired to feel suspended in the middle of that bay. How she wished she could float below the blue skies and summer sun of last year, cares evaporating in the heat. Wished she could take Kara by the hand and reassure her that the water, though vast and overwhelming as it seemed, shouldn't be feared - that it always welcomed Alex back like a friend. Young Kara lathered unnecessarily in sun cream bounced on the balls of her feet at the water's edge with Alex's hand in hers. The summer rays provided her with an abundance of energy yet the deep blue spread out before her as far as she could see, looked a little scary.

Alex wished she could have her sisters hand in hers right now.

She walks around the breakfast bar and out the second door leading to the main entrance of the house. Her hands grab the keys from the hook beside the coat rack before continuing on through to the garage. The car greets her as she sinks into the seat then drives away down the lane towards town.

 

-

 

The noise and bustle of school greets her and it verges on being overwhelming. The looks of sympathy and the stares make her feel self conscious, itching to be out of their sights. The looks from staff make her head lower further. Those who try to approach her she dodges, opting to go the long way through a neighbouring department. 

Vicky tries to approach her, she's just opened her red locker to grab the AP Chemistry and Math text books she needs when blonde hair comes in to view. She glances up at the hazel eyes moving towards her and irritation grates on her nerves. She turns her back to Vicky, grabbing the last literature book and slamming the door shut. She shoved it in her bag walking in the opposite direction to her next class. She'd seen her in the graveyard the day before, she and her parents kept their distance and Alex had been too focused on not drowning in her own feelings, offering whatever comfort to Kara she could.  In her mind, she knew speaking to Vicky would just result in her anger seeping out once again and the pain from the words the girl said to her would throb in her heart. She doesn't need the girls pity, the fake kindness.

She just wants to be left alone.

The teachers don't say anything when she enters each of her classes but she feels their concerned glances on her head each time she looks down to her notes or copies a key term from the board. The process is the same at the end of each hour: she approaches them about missed work and assignments, they give a sad smile or a shake of the head then offer their condolences to which she just nods. When they try to get her to talk about how she's doing, she cuts them off and emphasises her original query. This earns her a frown and some leave her be. The kind ones just lift the file of missed work from the side and hand it over. She knows they've all been briefed about the situation. The unkind ones start talking about grief and guidance counselling at which point she just turns and walks out.

By lunch time Alex feels almost as exhausted as the night before. The corridors were emptying by the time she leaves the lab, dropping by her locker then realising she hadn't made any lunch. Her shoulders fall and she sighs, dropping her head to rest against the cool metal. It's a relieving sensation compared to the dull tension of a headache she feels coming on.

Rick Malvern's booming voice echoes from the lunch hall and down the mostly empty corridor. The hum of the student cohort chatter and laughter is muffled behind the double doors and it feels like it would all be too much. She grabs the little bag of quarters hidden at the back of her locker and opts for quiet, away from prying eyes.

The vending machines stand alone in the empty junction of corridors, the drama department to the left and art department ahead whilst history's few classrooms are to the right. She uses the coins to grab a bag of chips, a drink and a granola bar. She's about to walk away when the bright packaging of skittles catches her eye.

 _'Kara's favourite.'_ Alex thinks to herself. She remembers her promise and plan to visit Kara after school finishes. Relief fills her heart at the idea of pulling her sister into her arms again, to tell her how loved she is, how brave she is. She puts a few quarters into the machine and stashes the packet in her bag for later.

The art department is colourful, work displayed on every available surface. Towards the back is a staircase that leads up to deserted corridor of art classrooms and storage rooms. At the opposite end is another staircase but the top landing has a small old sofa and coffee table left for the students to use, though most don't as it's so far out of the way.

Alex sits herself closest to the banister and sets her bag beside her. She gazes out to the empty fields, skies beginning to darken and cloud over. It looks cold out and though there's no expectation of snow to fall here, it coats the hilltops in the distance. She pulls herself out of her daze and opens the bag of chips to start eating while she checks her phone.

1 New Voicemail - Alistair Ivers

She straightens and taps the screen, bringing it to her ears.

_"Miss Danvers, its Alistair Ivers. I'm calling to update you on your request with the house and the transfer of accounts. Please call me back when you have a spare moment. Thanks."_

An update is good. Something to do, something to keep her busy. Alistair had been the only person Alex knew of that was somewhat friends with her parents outside of work but he handled their accounts and affairs. He'd arrived at the house a few days after the suits delivered the news and offered his condolences, saying that nothing had to happen right away but that when she was ready there were things to be sorted. In the aftermath of the news, she craved something to do. She couldn't stand standing around waiting for the next apology, the next look of sympathy. The lack of control drove her crazy so she called the next day to go through what she could.

The dial tones sounds from her phone as she call him back.

_"Alistair Ivers office."_

"Hi, this is Alex Danvers. I had a missed call from Mr Ivers requesting I call him back?"

 _"Ah yes. One moment Miss Danvers."_ The line goes quiet, a few seconds later there's a click and a deep Scottish accent sounds from the speaker.

_"Miss Danvers?"_

"Yes, Alistair. Thank you for getting in touch."

_"Of course Alex. Firstly, I wanted to let you know that the agents called this morning and the house is officially on the market. The papers you signed Monday were all authorised and it is being advertised from today."_

"That's great. Thank you for pushing it through so quickly."

_"That's no problem. All the agency fees are as you agreed to. Now that it is on the market, they asked me to let you know that people will request viewings so to give the best image of the house, its best that it is clean and that showing off the amount of space will be attractive to buyers."_

Alex pulls a notepad out of her bag, writing 'clean' and 'space' down to remind herself.

"Ok, that's fine."

_"They will be in touch if they hear anything, they have your mobile number. The other thing is that the accounts are now officially transferred into your name, the bank sent a copy of the confirmation through after your appointment there."_

"That's great."

_"There'll be a letter coming through in the next 7 to 10 working days with the appropriate card and details. My assistant will send you a copy of that confirmation as well."_

"Thank you."

 _"With that said Alex, all the requests in your parents will have been fulfilled."_ Alex's shoulders fall slightly, closing her eye in relief. _"Is there anything I can do for you now?"_   Her eyes flash open, out the window once more. She pulls the notepad closer and grips the pen a little tighter. There's a pause as she steadies herself before replying.

"Alistair, social services took my sister."

_"I'm truly sorry to hear that Al-"_

"I need help to get her back. I need help to become Kara's legal guardian and I need it so that she can come with me when I move."

There's now a pause on the other end. Then a shuffling noise comes down the line.

 _"An old colleague of mine specialises in children's rights and familial law. She's very good at what she does and would be the best person to advice you about your situation. I'll let her know you'll be in touch."_ Alex releases a sigh of relief as she jots down the number for a Ms. Mamrie Collins. It's something. A step in the right direction, a step away from the pull of that black hole.

"Thank you so much Alistair, for everything."

_"You are welcome Alex. If there's anything else you need, please don't hesitate to call my office."_

Alex hangs up the phone and clutches it to her chest. The emotions rise up, overwhelm her senses and the tears quickly fall. Drawing a shaky breath, she lets it wash over her. The pain of being forced to let Kara go was slightly soothed by the relief of getting to see her in a few hours. The knowledge that dealing with her parents accounts has all been a smooth transition settled a part of the over arcing panic that constantly plagued the back of her mind. The hope of stepping forward, of moving forward.

The weeks after being told of her parents death had her feeling suspended in time. The suits said that the accident had occurred whilst working on their project for the government. The procedures and investigation coupled with vague answers of what happened meant that it took weeks for them to be able to bury their parents. Stuck, prevented from moving at all. The lack of control was suffocating. Working with Alistair on her parents will had provided a distraction but it's not till now that she feels somewhat grounded.

Grounded but still with the feeling of anxiety of whether Kara slept ok last night, if it took her long to calm down on the journey to the home. That emptiness in her heart at knowing Kara won't be on the sofa watching cartoons when she gets home. That she won't be sitting at the table eating her weight in past-

_'Shit.'_

_-_

They talked about her last night.

She was curled up in bed and feeling really tired but nothing would settle her, not even the teddy wrapped up in her arms. The teddy Alex had bought her on their first adventure together. All she wanted was to be wrapped up in Alex's arms though. She had tried falling asleep but she just couldn't. She didn't like this place. It was too loud, too many people and too many voices. Even the sound of their snoring was annoying to Kara. But the adults downstairs didn't know she could hear them too.

They had talked about how long it took for her to calm down when they took her away from Alex, how she refused to say a word to them and offered nothing but glares to the woman who carried her out of her house. They said words like application process, court hearing, legal guardian but Kara wasn't sure what they meant. Her English is still not great, she can get by in school with help and Alex is helping her learn. She's even learning Kryptonian to help her!

She misses Alex.

Now sitting here in her seat, she looks to the clock on the wall. The big hand was pointing to the 9 and the small hand was in between the 1 and 2. She couldn't remember what Alex said that meant but she hopes it's close to the end of the day. That would mean she'd see Alex soon. She had promised to see her when she got out of school.

"So Kara, are you enjoying your reading book?" Mrs McHale crouches beside her table with a small but warm smile, lifting the book in front of her. Kara had completely zoned out, not reading anything apart from the first one or two sentences.

She looks to her through big blue eyes hidden behind round glasses, offering a shrug in return. The woman frowns slightly in concern.

"You've been quiet today. I know yesterday must have been very sad. Do you want to talk about it?" She offers. Kara quickly shakes her head and looks down to the table. Blonde curls fall forward to enclose her face as she picks at the sleeves of the pink cardigan that she chose from her suitcase that morning.

"Ok. Well, I'm here if you do." Kara hears the teacher walk away.

She just wants school to be over so she can see Alex again.

The time goes by slowly for her, she ignores the other children around her colouring or reading or playing games, but eventually Mrs McHale tells them to pack away their things and collect their bags, water bottles and lunch boxes. Kara rushes to grab hers and is one of the first to line up. The teacher opens the door and checks for each parent before letting them go. When it's Kara turn, the woman from the home approaches her teacher badge in hand. They discuss something but Kara ignores them, anxiously bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Come on then Kara." Rachel, Kara thinks that what she said her name was, offers her hand but Kara wraps both arms around herself and walks them quickly to the gates.

When they reach the home Kara runs from the woman as soon as they enter. She's up the worn carpeted stairs to her room and dropping her bag to the wooden floor beside her bed. She closes the door then rummages around in her bag for one of the snacks Alex hid for her, stomach grumbling. The lunch the school gave her was small, not nearly enough for her appetite. She hopes Alex brings her some more food and snacks when she visits. She takes a bite of the granola bar then puts it on the desk, going back to her school bag and picking out her homework and reading book to leave on the desk ready for when her sister gets here along with her pencil case.

Kara looks at the table and makes sure she has everything is in place, reaching to move the book so it rests on top of the paper in the middle with her favourite pencil set beside it. Satisfied that it's in order, she grabs her granola bar and climbs onto the bed to sit against the faded yellow wall, anxiously listening for her sisters voice. 

It's 40 minutes before Kara's ears prick up at the sound of a car stopping outside. She listened closer to the heartbeat and it sounded like her sister. She lifted her glasses, squinting as she looked down through the floor to find her sister at the entrance. Tears blurred her vision and she took a shuddering breath.

She came.

Alex came for her.

She leapt up from the bed and raced down the stairs as fast as Alex would've allowed her at home and nearly knocked over a teenager on the way past. She looks to see Alex writing on a piece of paper and can't hold it back any longer.

"Alex!" She cries out as sobs wrack through her chest. Alex drops the pen at the sight and allows her bag to fall to the floor, kneeling as she catches Kara running into her arms.

"Oh Kara." Alex pulls her as close to her body as she can, rocking the sobbing child. "I'm here sweetheart. I'm here. I love you so much Kara." Kara whimpers into her neck, her hand gripping Alex's shirt.

"Alex. I m-missed you so much." Alex takes a shaky breath, presses a soft kiss to the side of Kara's head and tightened her arms around her.

"I missed you too Kara. I'm here now."

 

 


	2. The Tears and the Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't run from the coming storm,  
> No there ain't no use in running,  
> When that rain falls... Let it wash away,  
> Let it wash away that falling rain,  
> The tears and the trouble."  
> \- Storm Comin', The Wailin' Jenny's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. The stress of exams is finally over and the freedom of summer has dawned. What a glorious feeling.

- 

 

Kara was a very tactile person, something Alex was not. At least not until big blue eyes looked up at her with curiosity from the porch, frown causing a crinkle between her brows. There was something about them that just captured Alex. Excitement tinged the edges, caution swirled around her irises and yet there was something, somewhere in the dark centre that was haunting. A flicker of something more than pain, more than loss. Something that cried out for comfort; soft, warm arms to wrap around her and ground her as though she'd float away. They soon discovered that was a possibility. Alex moved her index finger forward and Kara watched, going cross eyed. She tapped her the crinkle and Kara wrinkled her nose in response causing Alex to give her a warm smile.

Kara smiled shyly in return, moving closer to Clarke and partially hiding her face in his side as he spoke to her parents. Their parents.

The young women takes in the feeling of having her sister in her arms, knowing how much she wished she could do the same that night. The book by now had fallen to the floor forgotten, homework completed and stored safely in her school bag. As she sets herself down with Kara wrapped around her, Alex takes in the room. Faded floral bed sheets match the tattered curtains, a dresser and wardrobe sat against the wall opposite the head of the bed that she knows for a fact creaks with every movement.

The thundering of footsteps suddenly sound from behind the door and Kara jolts in her arms. Alex runs a reassuring hand over her back as the quiet washes over them once again, the sounds of the house muffled by thin walls. Alex can't imagine how loud it must all seem for Kara. How disorientating and overwhelming it must be to suddenly be surrounded by children of all ages, all vying for an adults attention - for anyone's attention. Now no longer the loudest in a house of four people who kept her at the centre of their world.

"How did you sleep last night Kar?" Alex asks softly, wishing to be a balm against the storm that blazes through the house.

A shrug is all she earns in return and Alex sighs, gently taking Kara's arms from around her neck to shuffle the girl back an inch. She takes both of her hands into her own but Kara pulls hers away, choosing instead to tug at a loose thread of her cardigan sleeve. Alex frowns a little, taking in the downturned head and fidgeting. She reaches to grab Kara's rainbow Tangle from the bedside table and offer it to her. Kara shakes her head and Alex replaces it. She takes in the slumped figure, the fingers unable to stay still, the crinkle that appears between her brows. She's just about to prompt her when Kara suddenly speaks out.

"I miss Jeremiah... and Eliza." Kara says quietly, still unable to look up at Alex who watches the girl with a sad smile. She lays her hands palm up and open on the bed beside her should the girl change her mind.

"I miss them too sweetie." Kara doesn't say anything in response. "They love you and they miss you too. A lot has happened since they passed." She pauses. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" Kara's shoulder tense. "It's ok to feel whatever you are feeling Kara, there are no rules. It's also ok if you don't want to talk to me. We can finish reading your book if you-"

"I feel bad." Her focus now intense on her sleeves, no longer fidgeting but the edges grasped firmly in her hands.

"Why do you feel bad Kara?" Voice soft, offering no judgement. Kara takes a breath.

"I feel bad because..." She pauses, unsure of herself. "Because last night, I-I missed you more than I missed them." She takes a shaky breath. "I wanted you to come and get me. Not them."

Alex's eyes open wide and the tears well up. She takes a shaky breath, raising her hand to place a finger under Kara's chin encouraging her to look up but not pushing. Slowly the girl raises her head and scared deep blue eyes look up to Alex who offers her a sad smile and a firm nod, face wrinkling slightly as she tries to find the right words.

"It's ok. I missed you too love, so much." Kara's strength crumbles as the wave hits her and comes crashing down. "I wanted nothing more than to make sure you were ok." It was relieving but overwhelming to know that she wasn't horrible for feeling that way. That the only arms that could make her feel better were those of her sister, not her adoptive parents. The flood gates open and she flings herself forward, wrapping her arms around Alex's waist and burying her face into her chest, weeping. Alex gently removes her glasses and wraps her arms around her offering all the comfort she could. "It's ok to feel what you feel sweetheart. You're not a bad kid for moving forward, for needing something from a specific person. It's ok. I love you, Kara."

It takes a few minutes, reassuring comments and admissions of love before Kara opens up about her first night in the home.

"It's so loud Alex." She sniffles. "An-and when I went to the bathroom to b-brush my teeth a boy pushed me out of the way and the door, i-it closed in my face. He was mean." Alex has never condoned violence against children, she's heard the terrible stories of some of the kids that have been forced to live in the system. That doesn't necessarily equate to rational thinking. "Everyone... What's the word w-when the door closes but really loud?"

"Slams?"

"Yeah. Everyone does that. I-I don't like it. So many people snore, louder than you Alex." Alex considers making a joke but interrupting Kara's speech might halt all conversation once more. The room is getting darker rapidly, these winter nights long and bitter. She leans down to her bag beside the bed and pulls the weighted blanket from Kara's room out, its warmth always feeling grounding to Kara. She throws it over her legs and up around them as if to fight off the cold air that looms outside. "The ladies talked about me. They talk about y-you."

At this point Alex's face falls. It's not their fault. Of course they wouldn't know about Kara's ability, they're going to talk about the kids that walk through that door. That does not make the situation easier to deal with though. A seven year old child can't grasp the things they're talking about but knowing that they are the topic will, of course, stir up anxiety. Kara can't comprehend the severity of struggle and abuse these children have gone through to get to this place and it's not right that she should have to be exposed to these situations so detailed when the staff talk. All she wants to do is curl up under her duvet, content to wait out this time here alone until Alex can take her home.

"Kara, sweetheart. The ladies downstairs are going to talk about a lot of different things. A lot of them will be about the children and some will be very adult conversations." The woman shakes her head, as if to rid it from her own mind - unable to add to the weight already on her shoulders. "Kara I need you to be very good ok? I need to try very hard not to listen to the ladies talking."

"Because they talk about adult things?"

"Yes, because they are things that adults talk about. I need you to try hard for me ok?" Kara nods against her chest.

"They said that you were coming today. That I was quiet when we got here. They said I need to get a vac... vatin... va-tin-a-torn?" Alex frowned in confusion, silently mouthing the sounds to herself. It takes a few repeats to recognise the pattern.

"Vaccination?"

"Yeah. What is that Alex?"

"It's when they inject you with something to help you not become ill. Like some people get a flu jab. It gives the person a small dose of the flu, not a bad flu, so they can build up the good fighter cells in your blood. It helps you feel better quicker."

"Hmmm." Kara sniffles into her chest, breathing mostly calmed but still a little shaky. "So, you get ill when they give you the thing but it goes away quicker?"

"Yes, it's supposed to."

"What's an n-jet Alex?"

"Inject. You are injected, it means someone takes a needle and puts it in your arm or leg or somewhere and pushes a little bit of something into your body. Like medicine."

"Is that what Maddy does in my class?"

"Yeah! Well done Kara. That is the perfect example. Maddy has something called diabetes. She has to inject something called insulin into her arm or leg or tummy to help her stay healthy."

"Is that what Eliza did to me?"

Alex froze.

_***_

_The tension in the living room was palpable in the air. There was a sticky heat surrounding them and Alex couldn't tell if it was just her sweating at the situation or if Kara had anything to do with it. Early April weather in Delaware is certainly not this warm._

_Kara was standing in the corner facing the window out to the lane. She was shaking with anger, fuming so suddenly that Alex jolted in shock from the movement._

_"Jolum! No!" She shouted._

_"Ok. I'm sor-"_

_"No!"_

_She's cut off as the girl continued shouting into the corner in Krytonese. The little knowledge she had of the language was not nearly enough to understand what Kara was saying, let alone comprehending at the speed she says it. Alex mentally berates herself. She could tell something was off today: quiet, eyes slightly red and in a daze. The barrier of understanding had not stopped her from trying to communicate before, but Alex's mispronunciation of a word now seemed to be the small straw that triggered Kara's breaking point._

_"Sokao Kara." She tried softly. Kara spun to glare at Alex with such malice she had never seen from the child._

_"Zha."_

_Alex was swept backwards by a gust as Kara shoots past her. A loud bang of the back door almost pierces her ear drums as paper and magazines fluttered into the air. Her body flinched in the assumption of danger, adrenaline surging through her bloodstream at the recognition of the girls speed. There's a moment of panic that sent a chill down Alex's spine._

_A scream in the distance scared her more. Kara's cry of anguish frightened her more than her body's instinct connecting danger to the girl. She spun and ran out of the room, down the hall and round to the back door, sprinting across the garden and into the field as fast as her feet would allow. Her chest heaved as she ran down the trodden path and hoped she wouldn't trip over something in the shadows of partial evening light. When she reached the field edge, about to jump down the bank to the sand, she's shocked once more._

_Kara's sobbing form grew tense, fists curled tightly and knuckles white. She took a deep breath and another before she pulled her arms tight to her chest. Kara threw her head forward with a roar and unleashed 2 beams from her eyes straight into the Atlantic. It sizzled and hissed at the intrusion while Alex stared from the bank behind, caught between approaching or staying. Kara takes a breath before releasing a final more powerful roar and the beams intensified. The ocean crackled and bubbled in the heat._

_Seconds later Kara slumped forward and the beams disappeared. Her sobs continued, chest heaving but she weakly turned to look at Alex. Tears stained her cheeks and snot trailed down from her nose._

_Alex's breath caught at the sight and she leapt down onto the sand. The 60 feet distance to the water's edge was too much of a distance between her and Kara. When she reached her, the girl fell into her arms._

_It took more than 20 long minutes of Kara's body shaking in her arms and Alex's reassuring whispers into her ear to calm the girl. Murmurs of encouragement to slow her breathing aided by the placement of her hand on Kara's diaphragm._

_"That's it. Nice and slow. Deep breath, push into my hand. Good girl Kara."_

_The sun had set by now and there was a chill in the air, clouds blocking any remaining warmth to be given. Consistent washing of the waves was soothing to the ear for Alex in this moment. She hoped that its presence and the cool sand against their feet was grounding for Kara. Now though it was time to return to the house, left abandoned up the field behind them._

_She coaxed the girl up, visibly exhausted, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder to pull her into her waist. They took their time. Alex lifted Kara up on the bank before climbing herself and continuing on. Each time she tripped over the odd lump in the uneven path, Alex tugged her closer._

_When they reach the fence to their back garden, Alex opens the gate for them. Kara tiredly moves forward but suddenly trips on the step, falling forward onto the gravel. The teen instantly reaches down to pull her upright and check if she's ok. They both froze at the grazes on her knees; a drop or two of blood seeped from the wounds. There was a sting Kara hadn't been able to feel in months,  but the mixture of shock and exhaustion was too powerful for her mind to cope. Alex scooped her up into her arms and carried her quickly up into the house._

_The light was now on as she entered the kitchen and the scuffling sound of her feet drew the attention of her mother. Eliza appeared quickly from the opposite doorway, mouth open to complain about the mess but pausing at the sight of her eldest daughter setting Kara onto the counter._

_"What happened?" Eliza's voice laced with concern as she quickly moves to the cupboard for the first aid kit. Alex wrapped her arm around the girl on the counter offering her comfort._

_"She..." The brunette glanced to her mother, then back to Kara. "Her eyes were bothering her all day. She has Clarke's heat vision." Eliza took a sterile wipe and dabbed at Kara's knee, causing her to whimper and tug her leg away. "It's ok Kara."_

_"I need to clean it sweetheart. We have to make sure no germs make it worse."_

_Kara frowned at this, not understanding what she said and certainly not keen on letting her touch the area with that horrible wipe that made it feel worse._

_"Kara," Alex got her attention. "It'll make it better." Better? Kara looked at her like she'd gone crazy, that thing clearly made it feel worse. She shakes her head and muttered under her breath._

_"No. N-no fank-you." Eliza let out a short breath and ignored the girl. She moved a hand to hold her leg and ran the wipe over her knee quickly._

_"Ah!" The groaned but stayed in place._

_"You're doing really well Kara." Alex gave her a smile. "You're very brave. It'll feel better in a minu-"_

_"Alex, I need you call Clarke. She's not supposed to get injured like this." Eliza finished cleaning the wounds and covered them with a plaster. "He never mentioned this as a side effect of his heat vision. I think I left my phone in the car, grab it for me and call him? Ask him if he's ever experienced this."_

_"Sure." Alex squeezed Kara's hand gently and left the room. She headed down the hall to the garage and looked through the windows of the silver Chevrolet Captiva. There's no phone on the passenger seat or centre console. She frowned and opened the driver side door, leaning over and checking under the seat to see if it fell but there was nothing to see, nothing other than a can of defrost spray and a stray Cheeto - she presumed Kara missed it. The teen shrugged, closed the door and made her way back to the kitchen._

_"Mom, it's not-"_

_As she rounded the corner Kara's wide eyes and frightened expression grabbed at her attention. Eliza stood beside the girl, a syringe in hand and needle piercing the skin of Kara's forearm._

_"Wha..." Alex stuttered, confusion etched on her face and concern in her eyes._

_"This is extremely unlikely to happen again." Eliza begins. She sighs, leaning forward to place a kiss to the blonde hair. "Having a sample of Kara's blood means I can test it, look at its structure and understand how it works, how it differs from ours. It means I can work towards knowing how to help her if she were to ever fall ill. It's something to study now to help her in the future."_

_Eliza pulled the needle out and taped the small swab to the puncture. She capped the sharp, removed the gauge and checked the tube was sealed. A small case laid open on the counter beside the forgotten first aid kit and the tube was carefully placed beside another full tube of Kara's blood._

_"But Mo-"_

_"Now. Thank you for being a great girl Kara." Eliza smiled at her and bent her knees slightly to be at the girls eye level. Kara nervously glanced to Alex behind the woman, shaken by the events of the last hour. "Shall we order pizza for dinner before I call your cousin?"_

***

"It was kind of like that. She took some of your blood out to look at it. To study."

"Oh." Kara frowned. "I didn't like that."

"That's ok. You don't have to do that again." Alex shifted slightly, holding Kara in her right arm and reaching down to grab the forgotten book. "Shall we read some more?" The girl nods and shifts in Alex's arms, turning her body to sit across her lap as Alex holds the book. "Your turn to turn the pages." She prompts.

 

-

 

"Alex?"

"Yes Kara."

The room was now lit by the dull glow of the bedside lamp, a blanket of stars visible through the window. There was more movement around the house, the hum growing as if the hive knows feeding time is approaching. Alex knows that she'll be asked to leave soon and that just feels like an impossibility.

"When can I come home?" Alex takes a few seconds to decide her approach.

"Soon Kara. I promise." She runs her fingers through the mess of curls. "I'm talking with Alistair, do you remember Alistair?" The girl nods. "Well he's helping me get it all figured out."

There's a knock at the door before it's pushed open.

"Miss Danvers, its dinner time." One of the care workers smiles.

"Ok, thank you." The woman nods and leaves, door shutting softly behind her.

Alex's shifts on the bed, twisting her body to set her feet on the ground. She slides Kara to stand in front of her and Kara's face scrunches up.

"Now. I love you ok? I'm so proud of you Kara. You'll be home soon I promise. It's going to be ok." Alex smiles sadly, not sure whether she's trying to reassure herself or Kara. Alex reaches down for her rucksack and pulls out a plastic bag full of snacks, the sight causes the girls eyes to brighten slightly. "I'm gonna leave these under the bed but after dinner I need you to hide them all for me, ok?"

Finally Alex pulls out a picture frame, handmade and decorated with sea shells. She hands it to Kara, watching her eyes flash with recognition at the photo of the two of them from the summer before. Alex is thigh deep in the water with Kara on her back, grins plastered across their faces and hair dripping. Kara grins back at the photo and rushes to set it on her bedside table like it had been at home. She shifts it one way, then another, then twists it slightly to face the bed - finally happy with its placement.

When Kara turns back, Alex has shouldered the mostly empty rucksack and is just finishing shaking out the blanket to rest on top of the faded duvet nicely. She turns back, offering Kara a smile before taking the girl's hand and leading her out the room, down the stairs to the main corridor.

"I love you Kara."

"I love you too."

"I'll be back tomorrow ok." Alex kisses the top of Kara's head and kneels to wrap her arms around Kara for one final, tight hug. "I know you're hungry. Have a good dinner."

Alex hears Kara take a shuddering breath as she send her off down the corridor and her face crumbles from the warm smile. She turns and walks the entrance, unable to look back knowing she'd run down the corridor after the girl and refuse to let her go. At reception the lady offers her a sad smile, clearly watching the situation from her office window. Alex doesn't have the energy to form a response, just simply tells her she will be back at the same time the next day. She bites her lip as she signs the book and writes the time then turns to leave her sight as quickly as possible but freezes. Alex turns back to the office.

"You have my number. Kara can call me whenever she wants, whenever she needs me." The woman frowns and tilts her head. She shakes her head slightly and opens her mouth but Alex glares through the glass. "She CAN call me WHENEVER she wants." She sends the woman a final pointed glare and walks out of the door.

She enters into the chill of the evening air, releasing a shaky breath and the curling condensation floats away. The glass doors provide support as she tries to regulate her breathing, feeling so small and out of control in this situation. The weight of it all feels like its caving in on her chest, already fragile and easily broken. It's in this moment that she wishes she could have Kara's powers. Wishes she could listen through the thick brick walls to the soothing sound of her heart beat - the gentle rhythm a balm to her own racing pulse.

"Excuse me."

Alex jolts at the sudden intrusion and looks up to see Maggie Sawyer, hand on the door waiting to enter the building. She quickly turns to wipe her tears away and steps aside. Maggie's still as she turns back to her, eyes soft but laced with concern upon seeing Alex upset.

"Hey Danvers." She says quietly.

"Hey." Alex replies, with a sniffle and clears her throat trying to cover her moment of vulnerability. There's a moment of silence between them. Maggie seemingly trying to decide what the next best move is while Alex is too exhausted to know how to interact with her. There seems to be a shift in understanding with the dark haired girl. Maggie offers Alex a nod and simply walks into the building.

Alex watches the young woman walk away before releasing another breath. Her shoulders slump. She wraps her arms around her waist and turns to walk back down the road to her car.

It's not until she's pulling onto the lane leading up to the house that her mind finds the energy to flicker back to the encounter. She blinks as she questions why Maggie would be there at that time. It's an awkward time to be there and- the smell of fried food distracts her and she grabs a fry from the paper bag on the passenger seat.

Alex shakes her head, reminding herself that it's none of her business.

The house is cold and as bare as it felt when she left this morning. The chaos of the kitchen, littered with crockery and rubble is one of the last things she wants to deal with. Instead she doesn't even bother to turn on the hallway light; merely trudges up the stairs in the heavy darkness.

 


	3. Someone To Rely On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " Well now I'm told that this is life,  
> And pain is just a simple compromise,  
> So we can get what we want out of it.  
> Would someone care to classify,  
> Our broken hearts and twisted minds,  
> So I can find someone to rely on
> 
> And run to them, to them, full speed ahead.  
> Oh you are not useless, we are just..."  
> \- Misguided Ghosts, Paramore

 

-

 

There's a sense of organised chaos in the air as Maggie Sawyer makes her way down the last few steps to the ground floor corridor.

Her socked feet glide over the worn wood beneath her that vibrates with the thunder of children's footsteps while their hoots and cries echo down the dimly lit hall. It's feeding time at the zoo as Helen, one of the social workers, likes to say. There's an edge to her voice, a specific tone that screams to Maggie 'Job satisfaction!' or lack thereof. Her honey like tresses, blue eyes and pale skin with tinted rose cheeks blended to perfection does nothing to mask the obvious dislike for her role. Whether it's being stuck in the same position with no progression _or_ if she took the job with the idea of it being a 'temporary solution' to this month's rent, which was _last_ January, the woman clearly had little intention of creating a sustainable relationship with the children in the home. The kids don't care for people who don't care for them. At least their facade portrays this.

It's moments like this one where Maggie is forced to grind her teeth. As she enters the dining room a full porcelain dinner plate shatters at the feet of a raven haired Lewis in place of the normal plastic kind. Red coated spaghetti splats against the floor and tears mixed with snot stream down to his chin. Michael's spectacled face is writing on the cheap and chipped long table in thick blue marker. _'Did she seriously forget the table cloth?'_ Maggie shakes her head as the red haired twins fly through the door, shove past 4th grader Kerry who shouts and runs after them around the table then back out into the corridor.

This behaviour only ever appears when Helen is on duty; specifically when Helen is on duty and with no other staff in the room.

The status is downgraded to pure chaos.

There's a solitary figure sitting at the end of the table, hands tangled in her lap and blonde hair pulled back out of the way. There's a subtle look of discomfort on Kara Danvers' face. The harsh bright lighting in this room and the noise can be overwhelming for Maggie, let alone a 7 year old who has only been there for a few days.

She hears the thunder of footsteps grow closer behind her and she turns, stepping into the doorway to block their route. Lily and Maisie's faces are almost as flushed as their hair and they freeze at the sight of the older girl. Maggie raises her eyebrows, signalling the end of whatever antagonising game they are playing. The girls huff, shuffle to the table and slump into chairs. Helen stumbles through the door on the other side of the room with a big pot in hand.

"Maggie! Help me serve the food please!" The woman calls out before mumbling something under her breath. Kara turns to frown at the woman, then glances to Maggie before looking back down to the table. Maggie bites her tongue and moves to the kitchen through the door Helen had just entered, grabbing the pot of pasta that has yet to be drained.

It takes a further ten minutes of bargaining (and bribery) from Helen and a few pointed glares from Maggie over the woman's shoulder for them all to be sitting at the table. Maggie grabs the spare seat beside Kara and offers her a warm smile.

"Do you want some pasta?" Kara, although being the first and most patient of them all, had yet to offered food which tugs at an already irritated nerve. The girl nods shyly and Maggie reaches to the centre to spoon food onto the discoloured purple plate. "Ok?" She receives a grateful smile in return and Kara delicately scoops the food up and into her mouth. As she tends to her own plate, Maggie subtly watches the other girl who glances around her self-consciously as she eats.

"Aaay! You didn't wait for us Helen." The shout from behind causes Kara to jump beside her and the spoon clatters to the floor. A young man and woman a little younger than Maggie enters the room with a swagger and enlarged air of importance.

"You're right Ryan. You know the rules, dinner on the table at 6 o'clock sharp."

"Less sharp today." Michael mumbles. There's a scattering of muffled giggles behind full mouths and Helen sends the boy a look but moves to give up her seat.

"Well at least you have food on your plates. Why can't you be as grateful and quiet as Kara?"

Maggie looks to Kara. This is the first time she's been in the room and the topic of conversation in front of the group. Generally the teen steers clear of conversation that's tinged with confrontation, the hint of underlying tension that bubbles below the surface of some of the home's inhabitants. The blonde looks up, concerned to all the faces watching her - those whose face isn't in their food. She shifts uncomfortably at the attention and a flush rises up her cheeks.

"Ah the newb. Isn't she a little young-"

"That's enough Ryan."

"I'm just curious. Giving a warm welcome like you preach, well not you personally Helen."

"Ryan-"

"Blondie over there doesn't mind." He waves away woman. "So where you from kid?"

There's a tense pause over the dinner table. From the corner of her eye, Maggie sees Kara freeze. A battle between shying away from the attention and trying to act normal is present in her tense eyes as she takes a shaky breath. Her fingers curl around the edge of her sleeves in her lap. A moment later Maggie watches as her eyes refocus. There's a hesitation. Kara takes another breath before opening her mouth to voice a reply.

Suddenly Kara freezes again, mouth open but eyes wide in fear.

"What's-"

"Did you tell Helen about Friday night Ryan?" Maggie interrupts pointedly. Her eyes remain concerned on Kara but offers a distraction that's enough for the guy to take a hint. She allows a few seconds for the table to regress back to their own conversations before turning to the girl. Mouth now closed but eyes still wide.

"Hey Kara?" Maggie says softly. Kara's gaze flickers to her. "You ok?" The blonde releases a shaky breath and quiet whimper in return, her eyes filling with tears and unable to hide the fear.

Kara tries again. A crash of someone's cutlery colliding with their plate startles her. Ryan's booming laugh causes her to cringe at the noise. She takes a breath, opens her mouth but the words get caught in her throat. The muscles constrict to block the flow of words and Maggie watches the panic glaze over her eyes. Watches her attempt to take in gulps of air but her chest won't allow her lungs to expand.

"Kara? Breathe sweetie." Maggie tries. "Kara. Please can you look at me?" The girl takes a second to register the voice and the fog clears from her eyes just enough to look at Maggie. "Let's go get some air, huh?" Kara nods quickly and she slides off the chair. 

As Maggie guides her out of the room, Helen stands to join them but the teen's sharp shake of her head causes the woman to glare but lower herself back against the counter. They ignore the curious eyes following their movements and move down the hallway past the main entrance, down to a closed door on the right. The teen opens the door to reveal a dark room. There's a desk and chair to two of the walls whilst a tattered brown couch sits against the right.

Kara instantly moves to sit at the far edge of the couch and Maggie moves to open wide the closest window. The bitter March breeze sails through and flows over Kara's flushed skin. She watches as the girl tries once more to take a stunted breath, the stiffness in her limbs as she fights for control. There's fear in her eyes and Maggie can see some of her own pain, her own fears from a few years before reflected back at her. Worry of the unknown, of instability, being alone. The knowledge that she can't ask for a hug though she craved the simple grounding of someone's touch; that they can't give the reassurance she needed because they can't give that to a fourteen year old girl. The statistics were stacked against her and she knew that. She was old enough to do the research, to figure out the likelihood of finding what they labelled a 'forever home'.

Maggie felt like an abandoned mutt the first time she heard it. But this isn't Kara's situation.

The teen moves to the other side of Kara and sits, leaving space between them.

"It's going to be ok Kara. Breathe sweetie. It'll be over soon." The brunette offers out her hand palm up. "I promise you'll be ok."

Blue eyes flicker down to the hand from behind the glasses, up to the face then closes them tight with a renewed effort to take back control of her own body. She tightly grips (Maggie tries not to flinch in surprise) the hand offered and drags in the first deep breath.

"That's it. Breathe. You're doing really good Kara."

The room is dark, the noise of the house is far away and the air is chilly - refreshing against their skin. It takes several long minutes of Maggie coaxing the girl through her panic attack for Kara to regulate her breathing to a more calm rate. It takes a further minute for her to reopen her eyes.  She looks around the room. It's not one she had been in yet, the dark was a perfect way to mute the intensity of the dining room light. The noise, the brightness... It was too much stimulus for Kara's senses to cope with. Still, she couldn't find the words to thank the young woman without it all.

Maggie watches the internal conflict play over the child's face and decides to intervene.

"I'm Maggie." She offers softly with a smile. "We didn't get the chance to talk before now." Unsure if the prompt will be enough, she pauses to give Kara the chance to talk if she wanted to or even could before continuing. "I know your sister, Alex." This causes a spike in attention, Kara twisting to look at her.

"She's in my grade at school. I think we have the same science class. She's very good at science." Kara nods like she knew this already, like Alex was the smartest person on this planet. "She visits you a lot doesn't she?" She gets another nod in response and Maggie can't help but notice how the topic of Kara's sister is soothing for her, even without her presence. The stiffness in her is slowly giving way allowing her shoulders to relax more.

"You play games and stuff when she's here?" Kara nods, points to the shelves ladened with second hand books for a variety of ages. "You read books?" Another nod.

The temperature in the room has dropped, mirroring the change outside as the orange sky has faded to reveal the blanket of stars.

"You ok if I close this now?" Kara agrees and watched as she moves to pull the window down, then move towards the shelves. "Would you like to read a book now?"

Kara nods with a small shy smile and shuffles back on the couch, twisting to rest in the corner while facing Maggie. She grabs a book that looks relatively appropriate for Kara's age and returns to the couch, mirroring the girls position. A tug to the cord behind her and the lamp lets out a warm glow around the room. Finally she tugs the blanket from the back of the sofa and lets it fall over Kara's legs to protect her from the chill in the room but not too much to feel weighted down once again.

She slides her toes under the edge to keep them warm before clearing her throat and starting to read aloud.

 

-

 

There's a gulp and a glug from the dining room table. A burger box is open but empty and a few fries remain in the carton beside them. Alex leans back on her chair, twisted with her arm resting on the back, sipping on her Diet Coke as she looks out at the cleanliness of the kitchen. Floor swept and washed, counters wiped and few remaining items upturned on the draining board to dry.

She grabs a fry and drops it into her mouth, the saltiness is pleasant having partially regained her appetite and sense of taste. A glance to the gap on the wall steals a sigh from her chest and she tiredly rubs her eyes before grabbing her phone. 7:08pm glows from the top corner before she slides it back down and the screen returns to black.  She's already shattered, eyes threatening to flutter closed. She'd spent the remainder of her day after visiting Kara hoovering and washing the floors, feeling slightly bad for letting the rubble remain so long. This is the most physical activity she has done since they've been gone.

A shake of the head brings Alex back out of her trance. She flattens the trash and shoves them in the box beside the bin, ignoring the many takeout logos. Her rucksack is shouldered from its place at the foot of the stairs and she checks the locks before ascending.

With the McDonald's straw between her teeth, Alex tips the bag upside down on her bed and lets its contents fall out. Biology, Literature, Chemistry, Geometry, Math; all the paper flops onto the bed and she begins sorting and prioritising her work. The work that was missed is not much to catch up on for Alex's ability and she had an extension till Thursday for the Spanish assignment - not that she needed it, it would only take her a couple of hours tomorrow for its actual due date on Monday.

The colours of her highlighted and annotated work help her separate it into piles. The bed is covered in paper, pens, bright highlighters and post-it notes of an array of colours. She pushes each section back and settles into the pillows at the head of her bed to focus on the brief of the final English paper. Her brain is more intrigued by this though this deadline is not until after spring break.

 _'Arg,'_ Alex groans internally at the week of nothing: no classes to attend, no revision sessions, no extra lab time after school. No distraction from the silence that often feels suffocating between these walls. The only light is that her birthday falls the week after. That is when everything could start moving back to how they should be.

With the thought of her birthday, Alex's mind jumps to the meeting set with Mamrie Collins. A little research had brought her reassurance of the woman's qualification with familial law and the rights of children in dispute cases. Hearings of abuse and neglect, fights for sole custody and the unity of siblings instead of their separations. The lawyer even had a landmark case, setting precedence and procedure for the neglect of a mother with her child and the rights of the adoptive parents in Delaware State. Her knowledge of the system and its workings is clear. Alex just hopes it's enough.

English.

She looks down to the brief in her hand and spends the next 45 minutes annotating and planning her essay answers, squiggles in the margins highlighted and colour coordinated according to the section they belong and the evidence she wants to use from the text. Betrayal, reverse chronology, the Pinter Pause. This isn't Alex's favourite type of reading and although she doesn't mind writing about literary techniques from the choices she has, it's the final project for her biology class that had her excited before this all happened.

_'Stop. Focus.'_

She sips the last of the Diet Coke through the straw then drops it into the bin next to the bedside table. Her alarm clock glows 8:14pm and she sighs, rubbing her fists at her eyes already darkened. The tiredness hasn't left her in the past few weeks, just seems to accumulate. The illuminated figures start to blur. It's now that the exhaustion tugs at the edges of her conscious.

Her hand settles on the paper in her lap, pen still caught between her pale fingers. She leans back against the mulberry pillows and allows her head to rest on the soft material. Her eyes drift to the sharp black framed photo sat just an inch to the left of her clock. Her eyes flicker as she whispers goodnight, kissing her fingertips then stretching to softly graze the glass protecting the faces of her parents, Kara and herself. The bright smiles from a family outing to Kara's first funfair, full of colour and vibrant.

Alex's last thought before slipping into the recesses of her mind is how she wished for their lives to reach that point again sometime in the future. To resemble the moment of joy, bright lights and wide eyes; to be surrounded by laughter, wrapped up in warm embraces, encompassed in the unknowing power of a single moment.

Maybe someday.

 

 


	4. Been Here Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?  
> And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like  
> You've been here before?  
> How am I gonna be an optimist about this?"  
> \- Pompeii, Bastille.

 

-

 

Painted red lips pull slightly into a partial smile, admiring the intensity and tenacity of the young woman sat opposite her.

"Miss Danvers, you are aware that the legal age in which a person can adopt in the state of Delaware is 21."

"Yes Ms Collins."

"Legally anyone looking into adoption must have no criminal record that involves children, though any form of criminal record would have an impact on your case."

"I've never broken the law ma'am." Alex gives a strong shack of her head.

"There must be evidence that you have space for the child and this will be something that is followed up. You've spoken of your intent to move and bring your sister with you correct?"

"Yes."

"Then you will find that though a house visit will be made upon approval for the adoption, you will be subject to further follow ups in your new home. This is standard procedure for all cases of adoption but your case will be transferred to the district you settle in." Alex nods in understanding, scribbling 'follow up visit in Cali' quickly onto her notepad.

"Unfortunately in your case, your parents not mentioning Kara in their will causes the automatic transition of guardianship upon reaching 18 to not be applicable as in most cases. That does not mean however you have no clout in this. I must say it isn't often that my office comes across a case like yours." There's a flicker of fear across Alex's face as she glances to the wall and down to her lap. It's the first sign of nerves the lawyer has caught a glimpse of and to her it speaks volumes about the personality of her client. "Your case however is not impossible. In fact a case just last year, that happens to be somewhat similar to yours, was passed in court."

"The young woman was granted guardianship of her two biological siblings upon reaching the age of adulthood when her parents had not written a will let alone stating the guardianship of their children." She pauses, replacing her reading glasses on her nose and pulling a notepad out from under an array of documents. "Using the case she built for our own structure, we will need to provide solid evidence of your ability to care for Kara. This'll include your financial situation, a stability in the home and your mental capacity to provide a steady life - a routine for Kara considering her prior life experiences and her being on the autistic spectrum."

"This also however falls into your favour." There's a hopeful glimmer in Alex's eye as she looks across to Mamrie. "Finding another family for Kara rather than returning to your care and the life she had known for a year will not be in the best interest of Kara with her needs. The least disruption the better, forgiving the separation already experienced, but we will use this as one of our cornerstones for your case. Your ability to continue providing the necessary stability is superior to searching for a new family and establishing new connections, et cetera."

Alex nods in understanding, pen quickly scratching at the notepad sitting on her crossed knee. She takes the moment to finish the last part; the words 'case cornerstone' written a little harder into the paper and underlined. Twice.

The idea of a new family taking Kara from her is terrifying. The notion of not being enough for Kara, of not fulfilling her duty of protecting and raising the young Kryptonian entrusted into her care is soul destroying for Alex.

Mamrie Collins does not, and will never, know how extraordinary this case is. How important it is that Kara's future is brought back to Alex, that she is the one to guide her through a life that Alex already knows will impact so many people. Being separated would be devastating, for both of them.

Connections. Alex attempts to use the pause in conversation to filter and process as the word 'connections' bounces around her head. The cream walls, landscape artwork, framed qualifications and photos all fade to the periphery of her mind. As much as she would hate to, if the outlook of Kara's case began to look grim Alex would set aside her anger aimed at her sisters cousin and reach out for help if it would mean they stay together.

She would repress her anger aimed towards Clark and his absence in their lives since his second visit.

One message. That's all.  8 words. 2 weeks late.

***

_"Sorry for your loss. Hope Kara's ok. Clarke."_

_Alex was suddenly seething._

_Rage seared through her tense body white hot. A red mist clouded her eyes. She released a roar of anger and fired the cell phone in her hands across the room. It collided with the living room wall with a *crack* before falling *thump* to the floor. The dent in the lime coloured wall, plasterboard visible and its dust floating to the floor, became her sole focus of attention. Alex's chest heaved at the moment of extreme exertion and the control she tried exert on herself._

_The biggest thing Kal and Kara shared was their home. It was most important connection, the last connection they each had to that era in their lives was each other. The single biggest difference was Kara being old enough to remember it. She remembered the soaring buildings, flowers with red and purple flecks on their leaves and red sunlight that warmed her skin while gazing in fascination at the world beyond the window pane. Kara remembered the touch of her mother's hand to her cheek before ushering her into the pod, sadness that tinged the edge of her father's hopeful eyes and their final words that repeatedly washed over her as it soared into the sky with her eyes red and cheeks soaked with the grief of separation._

_That's the difference._

_Kara has just lost everything. Lost everything only to lose it all again._

_The sound of feet shuffling pricked Alex's ears up and she whirled around, with fists tightly clenched._

_Kara stood a few feet away eyes wide and slightly cautious._

_It takes a moment for Alex to recognise the girl wrapped up in her teal patchwork weighted blanket looking up at her in concern. When the penny drops the mist clouding her judgement dissipates as rapidly as it appeared. It is then quickly replaced by guilt._

_"Kara..." Alex's voice caught, her mouth opened and closed uselessly while her eyes blinked trying to hold the tears at bay. 'No, no, no! No, oh God she must be so scared! Why did I lose my shit? I am so stupid.'_

_A minute passed of the pair just watching each other. Alex felt frozen - stuck in some painful regret laced limbo. Moving towards her might scare her more, but she couldn't bear to step further away._

_Any further internal reprimand or criticism is silenced by the little girl raising her arms to Alex. She hesitated a moment, eye darting over Kara's face to decipher if  the girl was comfortable with this or if she thought this would solve the issue. The blanket had fallen from the small shoulders to the floor forgotten and eye gazed up at her. Alex could find nothing in Kara's body language to infer discomfort, in fact the girl stepped towards her and raised herself up onto the balls of her feet._

_Her shoulders slumped. A grateful and proud smile formed below watery eyes as Alex lifted the small girl onto her hip and hugged her close. Soft blonde curls settle against her shoulder and the girl wrapped her arms around her neck._

_Alex stood there for a while, absorbing the love and comfort Kara was radiating to her and swaying slightly. Though the situation was sudden and strange just a year ago, Alex truly didn't know if she would have coped with losing her parents if Kara hasn't have been left in their care. In the days when she suffering and felt lost, Alex could focus her time and energy in being a safe haven and constant in the girls life. Whilst Alex battled feeling like she was drowning in emotions or floating in a dark vacuous abyss, Kara was both her buoy and grounding._

_"I'm sorry for getting angry Kara." Alex whispered into in quiet room._

_"Its ok Lex." Kara whispered back. She pulled her head back enough to look into Alex's eyes, arms remaining around her neck. "We_ El Mayarah _." She switched to her native tongue._

_Alex frowned slightly, taking a moment to process the words in her mind. As she translates her eyebrows raise and eye widen in shock at the girls ability to understand the emotional turmoil, well grasp her transitions in mood. Her face crumples as the tears spill down her cheeks and hugs the child close once again._

_"Yes Kara. El Mayarah."_

_Lost almost everything, but not her._

_Never Alex._

***

After a further moment looking intently at her notes to make sure she's shaken the memories from the forefront of her mind, Mamrie's speaks once more.

"I know I probably just said a lot of things at you Alex, do you mind me calling you that?" Alex shakes her head and Mamrie smiles. "This process can be overwhelming at times for my clients. If you need me to stop or re-explain something or anything please just interrupt. My assistant has said I can seem a little intense." Alex gives her a grateful nod, looking down and pointing to one of her notes.

"So consistency in Kara's life is something we will focus on."

"Yes exactly."

"You said that we'll need to provide evidence of my 'mental capacity', what would that be?"

"The most common thing used here are witness statements. This is something I would like you to think about. We need several statements to be provided by people in your life that can attest your relationship with Kara and detail evidence of their experiences that show your ability to care for her needs."

Alex flinches at the idea of having to find people that could talk about their time with her and Kara.  Due to the nature of Eliza and Jeremiah's jobs and further their lack of time, or maybe priorities, friends were not common for the heads of the household. The few people the Alex could think of allowed a niggle of worry into her mind at how little time and experience they would have to talk about. Alistair was considered a friend and had helped Jeremiah out on the odd occasion, Mrs Milton down the road has watched Kara the two times her parents would allow Alex to go out instead of watch her sister in the last year when an urgent message called for their sudden departure.

 _'Mrs Milton could be good,'_ Alex supposed, her train of thought processing the idea as her eyes glazed over slightly. _'She watched me too, years before Kara came though.'_ A memory of dropping a smiling Kara off, lollipop in hand, on the elderly woman's doorstep before Vicki dragged her away to the movies by the hand. Alex quickly shook that away.

"I have a few ideas for that."

"Good." Mamrie flicks her auburn curls over her shoulder out the way as she offers Alex another smile before fixing her glasses once more.

"What about a teacher? Kara's 1st grade teacher has seen me pick her up from school, plus there were volunteer days where our high school helped out in local elementary schools - I was in Kara's class and helped several times."

"That sounds good," Mamrie praises taking a pen and making notes as she spoke. "It shows your personality, capacity to help Kara and other children, patience and development of skilled required to aid children in a classroom setting. Things that can also be applied to the home setting. That's great Alex. Maybe for another you could contact someone that has spent a little more time with you or has known you for longer?" She prompts hands animated as she talks. Alex hesitates, her gaze lowers to her notes in thought. Mamrie recognises this might be something for Alex to process and work through. "Why don't you take some time to think about it? Maybe spend the next few days thinking about the options you have and contacting them. If they're willing, let me know by Friday so that I'm able to arrange a meeting."

Alex nods gratefully, squiggling 'by Friday' at the bottom of her notes and underlining.

"Your case is time restricted considering your birthday is just a fortnight away. We'll work as quickly as possible to be ready for its submission that morning. However before then I shall contact the home and discuss creating those evidence folders from your visits we mentioned earlier." She drags her laptop from the corner in front of her and clicks her tongue as she flicks through the pages of her online diary. "Unfortunately I'm in court next Monday. Next Tuesday afternoon, if you're free, I'd like to meet with you hopefully with an update. Also hopefully having begun the process of collecting witness statements. Is that ok?"

"Yes that would be perfect. After 2:30 again would be great." The woman nods, eye squinting at the screen as she taps the keys. "Thank you Ms Collins for taking on our case."

"Thank you for choosing me to represent you Alex. We'll work hard to try and achieve what's in Kara's best interest." Mamrie turns and returns her full attention. "You are Kara's best chance in life, don't forget that."

A slight flush colours her cheeks and the corner of her mouth tugs up into a proud and grateful smile.

"Thank you."

 

-

 

There's a distorted grumbling sound that makes Maggie pause. She glances up from the page to see Kara's head resting against the sofa with eyes struggling to remain open. A second grumble causes them to lock eyes and Maggie smiles at Kara, setting the book down on the table. A land of castles, magic and mysterious creatures lurking in forests dissipates from the child's mind and she shuffles under her blanket.

"You hungry already?" She glances to the clock to see it was almost bedtime for the girl

Kara pauses just a second looking slightly embarrassed, responding with an shy nod as her fingers rub at her eyes under the lenses. Maggie raises herself from the lumpy couch and offers Kara a hand which she sleepily accepts. It had been a few days since Maggie and Kara first interacted. The situation that brought them together created a connection that Kara felt comfortable with, enjoying the older girls presence in the evening when Alex couldn't be with her - especially when Maggie continued to read aloud the story she'd chosen that first night.

They make their way back out of the room down the corridor, ignoring the raucous from the floor above. Helen and Rachel's distant calls for bed time had Kara glancing up to the ceiling and then Maggie who simply ignores them and smiles.

She flicks the kitchen light on and walks to the large refrigerator. The leftovers from a few hours earlier had been transferred to Tupperware boxes and shoved onto the top shelf in such a way that as Maggie tries to pull the bigger box out out she has to quickly grab a bowl that slid off before it crashes to the floor. She shuffles around the room, pushing the worn buttons of the microwave and tapping her fingers against the counter as it hums.

It doesn't take long for the food to be demolished. Maggie's on her second to last bite when she notices Kara's finished but glancing wantonly at the pot still.

"Did you like the pie?" She asks, spooning mashed potato, chicken and carrot into her mouth. Kara watches the food disappear then flicks her eyes back up to Maggie's. She nods eagerly. Though the food was not as delicious as on Krypton or back at the Danvers' household, one of Kara's favourite foods was potatoes. Fried, roasted or boiled; mash, fries or chips. Aside from pot stickers, it was top of her favourites list. Maggie watches the eager nod with a smile.

"You know there's still more left. Would you like some more?"

Kara's eye widen very slightly. She bites her lip and considers the offer. Alex had told her to be careful while here. To not use her powers accidentally, to eat less at meal times (which made her sad, she really liked breakfast, lunch and dinner) but freely eat the snacks she had hidden around her room to stop her getting hungry. She had fun searching her room for her favourite bars and treats, almost like the game hide and seek Alex had taught her to play. Though this had a better prize. Her blue eyes refocus on the box at the side and a pout forms as the two sides of her head fight. Wanting to make Alex happy fighting the slight gap in her stomach that's the perfect size to house that final slice of pie.

Maggie watches a dilemma play out on the girls face with an amused smile. She was clueless as to why this was such an issue but clearly it was good enough pie to desire a third helping that day and risk the potential sore stomach. So she decided to save her from the issue.

The sudden movement from the corner of her eye snaps her back to the present, following Maggie as she collects their plates. The young woman spoons the final piece of pie onto Kara's plate and slides it into the microwave. As it jolts to start up and the hum whirrs on, Maggie turns and winks at the girl with arms crossed over her faded navy hoodie. Kara's head shyly lowers a little before smiling gratefully up to Maggie.

It's hard to be without Alex. In this home everything can be overwhelming, so much so it almost felt like she had just landed on Earth again. Maggie the past few days had been a balm to chaos that Kara felt continuously surround her here in the absence of her sister. Though she was still practically a stranger, the kindness of unknown people can sometime have the most profound impact on a person's life.

There was mutually very little known about each other except their love for an escape to fantasy realities via the soothing pages of a book. As Kara looked up to the brunette it was clear.

They could have a profound impact on each other's lives.

 

-

 

The week passes in a mixture of speed and slow motion.

As always, Alex's visits with Kara at the home never last long enough. The time speeds by faster than coaxing a giggle from the young girl and it doesn't get easier to part when children swarm down the corridor towards the dinner table. Though Kara is a little quieter than normal she doesn't show other signs of struggle than cuddling a little closer while reading her school book.

During a call to Mamrie Collins on Thursday she confirmed that whilst Rachel, the lady in charge of Kara's case, had agreed to creating a bank of statements detailing Alex's visit as case evidence, it was put on hold by her manager. She intervened and dug her heels in at the need to call in and pay extra staff to cover while she conducts the study. Mamrie is thoroughly annoyed at the quick bush off given and explained to Alex bluntly that she couldn't understand the sudden change when it had been ok in recent cases. Alex couldn't help but feel disappointed in the lack of cooperation.

That afternoon when she entered the home she begged fate to allow her a glimpse of the woman that stalled progress in her case however she was nowhere to be seen.

With priorities set in other places and their weight clouding the forefront of her mind, there never seems to be the right time that allows a good focus on the immediate task at hand. Three weeks of catching up is just a formality as she knows the basic and extended principles of her work, though a mundane task of filling in the blanks is necessary for her to graduate. That layer sometimes became suffocating. Her meeting with Mamrie made it all the more real and though before she had been good at compartmentalising, sometimes it felt too much for her systems. Her neural pathways had been overloaded, synapses fried with exhaustion and in her most vulnerable moments they quake in fear.

Mind numbing tasks involved in cleaning the house ready for any viewings became a coping mechanism Alex was unexpectedly grateful for. The droning of the hoover; the scrub, rinse, repeat. It was then that her brain often devolved to its quietest state and sometimes allowed her to not think at all. Walls cleaned, stairs hoovered, pantry cleared, wooden floors washed, furniture polished. She's cleaned almost every part of the house but her parents and Kara's room by the Friday evening.

It was then that Alex stood outside her parents room for 25 minutes. Memories played like VHS tapes in her mind. Hazy and lazy Saturday mornings crawling over the bed sheets, clomping around in her mother's deep red faux leather heels to the long mirror only to trip two steps away and finding a shaking, curled up Kara hidden in the small dark gap under the bed during her first thunderstorm. The room was shrouded by a veil of nostalgia and she still felt unready to unwrap each layer and year of her life. It can wait just one more evening. She decided that they needed to be tackled with a full day and clearer mind tomorrow.

An escape of reality to her unconscious mind called to her. She abandoned the crisp white door in favour of a crumpled unmade bed, falling onto the soft mattress and further into a deep sleep.

 

-

 

She's surrounded by darkness when the ringing of her phone jolts her awake. She blearily grabs for it, one eye still closed whilst slamming her hand on the lap switch.

"H'llo?" Her mind is fuzzy. The luminous green of her clock glowing 1:24am causes her to frown and cover her head with her palm.

_"Alex?"_

 

-

 

 


	5. Always Darkest Before the Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "'Cause I am done with my graceless heart  
> So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart  
> 'Cause I like to keep my issues strong  
> It's always darkest before the dawn...
> 
> And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back  
> So shake him off."  
> \- Shake It Out, Florence + The Machine.

 -

 

"Who is this?"

There is a veil of sleep that blurs and slows Alex's neural pathways. She recognizes the voice on the other end but her mind just can't sharpen the face.

 _"Alex it's Maggie, Maggie Sawyer. I'm with Kara-"_ Suddenly the veil is ripped away and adrenalin surges through her bloodstream.

"Is she ok?" There's shuffling on the other end as she tosses her duvet aside and flicks on the lamp. The faint sound of stunted breathing in the background shoots panic through her system. "Is that her?"

_"She had a nightmare. I've tried to calm her but she only wants yo-"_

"I'm on my way."

Rushing to tug on her sneakers by the wardrobe, she almost forgets to grab her hoodie hanging on the back of the door before pulling it on over her pyjama top. Alex focuses on Maggie's calm voice sounding from the speaker as she runs down the hall, trying to coax and reassure Kara who is clearly in distress.

 _"The night staff haven't heard her but I don't know how long that'll last."_ Alex jumps the last few stairs and rips the keys from the wall, sending others on the rack clattering to the floor. She flies down to the garage leaving the house lit and in disarray behind her.

"How do I get in?" She asks as she slams the car door shut and pushes the button to open the garage.

 _"I don't want to leave her but best way will be round the back. I'll open the office window and let you in."_ Alex taps her phone and sets it in the centre console before hurriedly reversing out onto the drive then on down the lane.

"I'm on my way. Put the phone on speaker so she can hear me." There's another shuffle on the other end and she hears the sobbing in the background. "Kara sweetie. Can-"

 _"Alex!"_ There's a wail and a sharp inhale.

"I'm on my way sweetheart. I'll be there soon. I need you to breathe Kara. Deep breaths like we always-"

_"A-lex. I m-m-miss you."_

"I know-"

 _"Please,"_ She sobs. _"Please t-take_ *gasp* _m-me home."_ She can hear Kara's frantic breathing, too worked up to keep rhythm.

"Kara take a deep breath."

 _"C-can-n't."_ She whimpers.

 _"Alex she's having a panic attack."_ Maggie voice comes through.

"Kara sweetie please, you can do it."

 _"L-lex!"_ She gasps.

"It's ok. It's going to be ok. Maggie's gonna be me for a few minutes ok? Maggie sit behind her," Alex instructs. She hears the rustle of bed sheets, of Maggie gently shifting Kara and the vocals of her loud breathing to help Kara find the rhythm. "Put your hand on her chest and let her lay back into you."

_"It's ok Kara."_

"Kara push out into Maggie's hand. Breathe with her sweetheart, feel her breathing behind you. You can do it. I love you. Just breathe." She whispers the last part, sending a prayer to  Rao in Kara's place and speeding down the road with a prayer of her own.

_"Breathe with me Kara. Listen to me. In... and out. In... and out. In... and out. That's it. Come on, keep going."_

The gasping stops quickening, there's a minute of silence between Maggie and Alex. The latter just listens to the reassuring voice on the other end. It takes several cycles of Maggie's guidance for Kara's breathing to begin slowly reversing.

_"That's it. In... and out. You're doing great Kara. It's all ok."_

In the brief pause in communication, it dawns on Alex that it's Maggie calling her. She met Maggie as she was leaving the home, Maggie was entering. Now she's there while... Melancholy sweeps through her panicked tremors briefly before she shakes her head to compartmentalize her realisation. Later. She refocuses. Kara's breathing is shaky but less stunted through the speaker by the time Alex arrives 11 minutes later. She parks a little way down the street and runs back to the building.

"Maggie the gate."

 _"Shit. Hold on I'll go round and open it."_ There's shuffling. _"I'll be right back ok. I'm just going to get your sister."_

Alex slides past the bushes lining the wall and stands partially out of sight, close to the gate. Her mind slips back to a loud cacophony of noise and chaos. It's disarray the worst since being told of her parents death. She barely catches the footfall approaching, bare skin again the path. The gate creaking open tugs her out of the void and she flinches.

"I'm sorry. I tried everything but she wouldn't respond to me." Maggie's bare face illuminated by the moon sharpens in her mind. Alex nods and steps past the young woman, before following her round the back of the building and climbing inside.

When she reaches Kara, the child is curled into her core. She's so entangled in the blankets that her face and just the odd limb pokes through. Her eyes light up, tear stained and red, flared with the pain of her nightmares but solely focused on Alex. Her presence fills her eyes and tears flow once more as she tumbles into her sister's warm embrace.

"Oh Kara, breathe sweetie. I love you so much." She lifts Kara and the girl's limbs slip around her. She buries her face into the crook of Alex's neck and grasps the hood of her sweater. Kara's warmth radiates through the Alex's clothes as she firmly hugs her close and gently combs her fingers through the long blonde hair. She sways gentle like the cradle she once rested in before shuffling back to lay propped near the head of the bed.

Tears soak her collar, Kara's body heat is already causing her to sweat and she's sure she heard the fabric of her hoodie tearing between the tight grasp of her small fists. Yet this warm blanket is the closest to home, the closest to a sense of right that Alex has felt since... before. The pain they feel is raw, and when separated, it's exposed to external triggers that cause it to flare up even more. Separation from each other removes the only balm or comfort they have, the feeling that they are not alone.

Their bond may have taken months of work and patience, but it's this connection that lights a fire under her to push the process of her adoption as fast as it will go. From the warmth of the cocoon they've created, the slowing breaths against her chest is a reassurance that they can make it. They will get through this. The cacophony in her mind temporarily muted by the layered walls of their small pod, blocked and waiting to be dealt with in the new light of day.

From the darkness of the doorway, Maggie watches on.  As she moves to leave Alex calls her name quietly. Their eyes meet, lingering a moment, before Alex offers her a mouthed "thank you." Maggie returns a small smile and nods.

"I'll knock to wake you in a couple of hours before people get up." Alex smiles a second thank you and nods before settling back as Maggie closes the door behind her quietly. She looks down to the ruffled nest of blonde hair and sighs. Kara shuffles and blearily looks up at her. Her grip tightens just a little.

"It's ok Kara. I'm not leaving you. Go to sleep."

Finally, Alex's gentle brushing of her hair makes her relax and fall to sleep. The momentary peace and warmth sends Alex after her into the darkness that for this night seemed a shade lighter.

 

-

 

Alex is tugged out of her deep sleep by a gentle knock at the door. She takes in the room, unchanged from when she left it, before focussing in on the form faintly illuminated by the pink hues of the morning sun. The young woman offers her a small smile then stuffs her hands into the pockets of her dressing gown.

"Morning." Alex whispers coarsly. She shifts under the weight of Kara to pull her dead limb out from under her and flinches. "Every time." She groans. Maggie's soft chuckle draws her eyes.

"I'll be back in 2. That ok?"

With a nod she disappeared again, leaving Alex feeling slightly melancholy to the task at hand. She shifts off the bed, and kneels beside it to brush the hair from the Kara's face.

"Kara." Alex gently moves Kara who comes around slowly and grumbles. "Sweetheart I have to go now, but I'll be right back in a couple of hours I promise."

"Do you promise?" Topaz eyes look up from the small gap in the blankets and it takes a few seconds for Kara to register Alex's words before she replies.

"Yes. I promise Kara." Alex offers her a warm smile and leans over to kiss her forehead. "Go back to sleep love." Kara watches her, as if to assess if she's being truthful, and they are still for a moment. Once she finds what she's looking for her eyes flutter close once more.

There's a second knock on the door and Maggie pops her head in.

"You ready?" Alex grabs her sneakers and tugs them on again quickly. She gives Maggie a nod and glances back to Kara's curled form one last time before following her out and back down to the ground floor. They climb out into the darkness and Alex feels the pattering of cold raindrops against her face. It's cool and sends a shiver up her spine but as she feels a drop glide down her cheek it also fulfils a cleansing sensation that she allows a second to wash over her.

When Alex catches up with Maggie at the gate, the latter holding it open and holding her coat hood up over her head, she turns back to her and pulls the hood of her sweatshirt up to mimic her.

"Well, uh, thanks... For calling me about Kara." Alex fiddles with her sleeve.

"Any time. Kara's sweet." Maggie pauses to consider her next sentence. "I noticed she was quiet at dinner on her first night, she was a little overwhelmed and I offered to read a story with her. She hasn't said anything yet to anyone."

"Yeah. She's struggling with everything; the trauma. It's all so raw. She's asked to be read stories more so after.. everything. It's her way to escape."

"Yeah. Well, the odd time she wants a little quiet we do that."

"She likes you." Alex opens her mouth to continue but hesitates. "How did you..."

"Know your number?" The early dawn masks the flush that clouds Alex's cheeks and she merely nods. "You wrote it on a note and pinned it to her board. She kept pointing to it when I tried to calm her down and ask her what was wrong."

"Right. Of course."  Alex glanced to the gate, then to Maggie. She sticks her thumb in the direction of her car. "I'd better go but, I'll see you later?"

"Sure." She tilts her head and offers her a soft, half smile which she returns with one final thank you. Maggie watches as she turns and runs up the path, round the corner and out of sight.   

 

-

 

It's only a little brighter when Alex awakes for the third time that day. The overcast, grey sky reflects on the calm water in the distance. She takes a look out of her partially closed curtains, down the field to the ocean then blinks and rubs away the tiredness from her eyes. There's a slight shadow under them and a slight flush in her cheek as she twists to check the time only to sigh. Alex forces her heavy legs out from under the covers and into the cool room. A shiver runs up her spine as the cold air hits her exposed ankles but she persists in bracing through it to the warmth of a long, relaxing shower.

Its 45 minutes later when she walks down the final steps of the staircase to witness the physical remainder of last night's chaos. Alex pulls stray strands of long brown hair behind her ear before kneeling to pick up the keys and return them to the rightful place. As she's returning them it occurs to her that she had no idea what at least 4 of them were for. The echoes of her parents voices sound through her mind. Jokes of lost keys found on the wrong hook, the one that was handed over by the previous owner that her parents never found out the use for and bickering over keys being kept that were no longer in use.

_"Are you telling me you kept that back door key?"_

_"I didn't intend to but there is no harm."_

_"We changed the back door lock 3 years ago Jeremiah, what purpose would it serve?"_

Alex couldn't help the flicker of a smile at the memory of the wink her father gave her behind her mother's back paired with several silly faces. The good times she experienced, this particular one before Kara's arrival. It's here that her smile falters. She witnessed these moments less after Kara. That's not to say Alex blames her for that, any more anyways. Her parents were increasingly absent after her arrival but she knows Kara was, is, just a child. She cannot control the actions of people, cannot control the actions of her parents. Could not.

It's purely the sense of loss, the knowledge of never having those moments again. Of Kara not experiencing that with her new family. The loss is deep but stings with the knowledge of what is happening on an alternative timeline. What could have been for them.

Fading back to the present, she scans the keys in her hand. Upon a second look she puts one back on a hook, discarding it as a window key, and then another as the spare for patio doors. Of the remaining 2, one looked like an average door key to which Alex rolled her eyes at the idea of her father having his way with the old back door key. The second was long and thin, worn and partially corroded. Its dull silver looked like it belonged to something outdoors. Maybe the old shed at the end of the garden. Alex shivered at the realisation that she would have to clear out the winter cobwebs. She figures that is not a priority right now. It can wait.

Instead what is a priority, she decides with a glance to the grandfather clock beside the entrance to the kitchen, is getting breakfast. Kara will be waiting for her and 10am visiting hours do not favour those with little sleep or an empty stomach.

After slathering an unhealthy layer of apricot jam onto a pile of toast, Alex stuffs half of one into her mouth and buttons up her green and black plaid shirt. She tugs her winter coat up her arms and downs the rest of her orange juice, taking the plate of toast with her.

The car journey was slightly longer than the previous as Alex concedes to being law-abiding by day. The vocals of Mariah Carey sound through the stereo and she scrunches her nose. Her tap of the CD button is muscle memory by now and the light tone of R&B is replaced by the heavy guitars of her Foo Fighters album.

Though the weather above was dreary and overcast, Alex felt an unexpected lightness in her shoulders. Despite the memories and flickering feelings alongside the remaining weight caused by a number of things, something was slightly different. It's not that she wasn't tired. Not that her school work is partially done. The fraction lifted from her shoulders had moved and transitioned into an increase in motivation, of pushing forward with the necessary terms of Kara's adoption. That soft sensation of home that enveloped Alex and Kara is what they both needed. The knowledge that Kara was in the same house, that she was within reaching distance of comfort, in a safe environment to be true herself. That Alex was able to be Kara's guardian fully, in every capacity, is what they needed.

Now the tone in her head had changed. It no longer needed to happen. It will happen.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only took me a year... My bad.  
> Hope this and the next few chapters will be worth your wait.


End file.
